It’s 5:00pm and the rain falls light, cloud cover brings evening fast. She is just leaving work and I begin to pray. This driving in the rain is new. Driving herself everywhere is new. And I think about how holding myself rigid until that girl I gave birth to walks in the door is like opening up an old dusty book that I haven’t picked up in years.
The night I stay with the strange lady and her Siamese cats in the apartment next to ours, while my mother braves the tornado to buy groceries for our empty refrigerator. Sit frozen on an avocado footstool and stare at the television to mask the panic. Beg God silently in my head to bring her back safe. Wonder what I will do if she doesn’t . . . come back.
Violent wind beats its fists on the windows, shakes the floors and I pray for God to rescue me. Rescue her.
I remember today how He does answers my young prayer and I am thankful.
As a little girl, I lay still, stretched out in the back seat of the Volkswagen bug. My body shivers from cold and fear. We drive home from a late night party, my mother blurry-eyed from too much to drink, unable to navigate. It is early morning when the sky hovers pitch before the dawn and my bed waits empty. I ask Him to bring us home safe during those long hours, to take the wheel.
Today He reveals His heart to me in the remembering. The memories that once blister now bring thanksgiving, gratitude. Seeing the way he carries me, protects me, leads me – it restores my faith.
Because remembering with thanks is what causes us to trust – to really believe. – Ann Voskamp
Now my girl, she walks through the front door looking brave, tired from standing all day. Wondering where she can drive to next, asks if I need something from the grocery store. Makes plans with her brother for a special lunch after church.
I blow dust off the old book of memories, hold it close to my heart and return it where it lay before. Because I realize that my story is not her story and she – that daughter he gave me – is the beauty of my redemption.
What are you holding tight in worry today? Will you take a moment to look over the past, remember His faithfulness? Praying he turns your dark clouds into his glory revealed, grace raining beauty today.
O Lord my god, how great you are!
You are robed with honor and majesty.
You are dressed in a robe of light.
You stretch out the starry curtain of the heavens;
You lay out the rafters of your home in the rain clouds.
You make the clouds your chariot; you ride upon the wings of the wind.
The winds are your messengers; flames of fire are your servants. – Psalm 104:1-4
Counting gifts with Ann today:
~the rain that finally came.
~time alone with my husband.
~seeing beauty in the mushrooms I scoop endlessly from the yard.
~a husband that takes care of details he knows I don’t like
~a drivers license for my daughter.
~the trip she makes to the grocery store for me.
~a mother-in-law who shares scripture and prays it for me.