When I crawled into bed last night, H asked me if I got Murielle a card for her birthday. “No,” I said, “I didn’t have time and this weekend is about her friends. I’ll get her one on her actual birthday.” And you can’t hear the tone, the way I responded to him, but it wasn’t nice. His question, it was the last card collapsing the house of guilt teetering in my mind. Of all the ways I failed this week.
While her birthday used to be a backyard carnival and face painting, baking a cake seems to require the same amount of effort lately. But really, this feeling of not measuring up to the lofty stick of my own acceptance, it’s about more than failing to achieve the perfect birthday party for my daughter.
Self-doubt is a neglected open wound. The acrid smell of simulated self-worth festering. And Sabbath, it is the index finger over my mouth, shushing the accusing voices.
This weekend, may we all kneel on the banks of still waters and listen. Long enough to clear muddy water, gaze upon our true reflection. And recognize truth when it floats to the surface.
Happy Sabbath Friends!
For your weekend reading:
Why I Stopped Feeling Guilty About Stupid Things by Emily Freeman – the title says it all.
Who Do You Think You Are – a Simple Mom podcast with Emily Freeman and Holley Gerth about their recent writing exploits and struggles.
How Becoming a Good Christian Made Me a Bad Person by Allison Vesterfelt at Prodigal Magazine
A Response to the Complaint: “I Don’t Think Reading the Bible is Accomplishing What You Want it To” by Margaret Feinberg – The best thing I read all day.
Why We Write by Shauna Niequist – if you are a writer, this is convicting.
When I Feel Small by Sarah Richardson for SheLoves Magazine – because I do, feel small lately.
Winter Wonderings at Healthy Spirituality – Jean is a Sabbath sister sharing about her gradual and surprising transformation. (And this ties in to this week’s email for those of you in the sisterhood.)