We packed my suitcase, headed for the hospital. Nine months and it was time to deliver this boy into the world. But just like my first pregnancy, I wasn’t progressing and things came to a halt.
When my doula met me at the hospital, I was laying on the bed feeling the lump in my throat. The one that once moved with honest words, would trigger a waterfall of tears.
I was petrified to have a boy. I grew up without a father in my house, my parents were divorced when I was three, and I didn’t have the first clue about how to take care of a boy. All the horrible things women say to you when you are pregnant kept swirling around in my head. How boys bounce off the walls with energy, pee all over everything, wear you out.
Those thoughts coupled with my first delivery experience – 24 hours of labor – had me in a state of panic and fear.
In a stern but loving way, my doula said I wasn’t ready. That we needed to gather our things, go have some lunch, and pray through the fear until I got peace. “He isn’t ready until you are ready,” she said.
I felt like a child disciplined by her teacher for showing up early to class. Humiliated and thankful someone cared all at the same time.
But really, the main reason I showed up early is because I was tired of waiting. Uncomfortable with waiting. I was trying to make something happen in the midst of my impatience.
“Most of life is about two kinds of waiting,” H says from the pulpit on Sunday, “waiting in anticipation and expectancy or waiting in fear and dread. God uses all of our waiting for his purposes.”
And remember, the Lord’s patience gives people time to be saved. ~2 Peter 3:15
H and I left the hospital that day and had lunch, picked out a refrigerator for the house we were moving into that week, and spent some time in prayer giving my fears over to God about having a baby boy. That doula talked me through every single contraction and Harrison came into the world four hours later. The nurses made over him as if he was the first baby they had ever seen.
Waiting is a verb. God wants us to be active in our waiting, not passive.
So how do we wait?
- Prepare – Respond to God and His promises, engage in conversation and excavate the purpose in waiting.
- Repent – If Christ returned today, what would I do to make things right?
- Live like it Matters – If the Gospel is true then nothing else matters. Be a full participant in redemption knowing we have a unique call to live differently.
During Advent, this season of waiting, I am thankful today for that window of time found between expectant waiting for the birth of my son and holding him in my arms. It gave me the opportunity to find peace and grab onto destiny, overcome fear.
As you anticipate the celebration of Christ’s birth, what are you waiting for? Are you an active or passive participant in waiting?
And so,dear friends, while you are waiting for these things to happen, make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight. ~2 Peter 3: 14
Linking with Ann today to count the gifts:
- For homemade soup on a cold day.
- Prayer that changes things.
- Walking the streets of London to capture beauty.
- Connecting with old friends and feeling like time stood still in between conversations.
- Scones and clotted cream at Harrods with my sweetheart.
- A seat on the underground next to the boy eating candy in his school blazer.
- Christmas lights that illuminate a city.
- My boy wearing his London t-shirt to school this morning.
- Finding purpose in waiting because all of life is waiting for final redemption.