“The sheer volume embarrasses me,” I admit to my husband while standing over piles of clothes on my bedroom floor. Coats, shoes, shirts and pants pulled from my closet on a Saturday like leaves letting go of sturdy branches and falling in a heap. Outside, sun slants through a chameleon canopy with invitation but I’m choosing a shift in perspective on the inside.
This is more than a seasonal wardrobe change, we’re moving across the Atlantic without knowing any of the details about income, job placement or residence.
All we know is that keeping a mountain of “what-if” is no longer an option. Soon we’ll be living in England without walk-in closets, a garage or an attic. This new reality is redefining needs and wants. The underlined scripture verse in my Bible, where your treasure is, there your heart will be also, is no longer a warning to ponder but a conviction that results in repentance.
As I make piles to giveaway, sell and keep, I’m blushing, not about the extravagance of riches on hangers but what the excess illustrates. People refer to this move to England as brave but my closet says I am fearful.
As the wife of a pastor, this is our ninth move in 24 years of marriage making us experts in lengthy, uncomfortable transition. But our first international move reveals something different than the others.
At the core of my clothing insurance policy is the subtle question: What if Jesus isn’t enough?
Today I’m sharing 3 Questions to Ask Yourself before Letting Go at Christianity Today’s Gifted for Leadership blog. It just so happens I wrote this before knowing about our new home in London yet it’s still spot on. I pray that this revelation in a step of our move to England will be a place shedding new light on your own dim rooms of circumstance. Join me for the rest of the story?
This is a good one, Shelly. Brings up all kinds of conviction for me. I too have all manner of ‘stuff’–cutesy flowered pumps, complete with bows and 4 1/2″ heels, bought for a wedding, worn once. Could hardly walk after an evening in them. Boots I’ll never wear again. Rubbermaid containers full of tops, leggings, jeans. Closet full of clothes ranging from sizes 9-14! I hang on to them “just in case” I might someday, in the magical kingdom, wear them again. Jewellery galore. And yes, this excess spreads throughout my house. I spend, he saves. All of it has become our security, rather than Jesus. As I write, I’m looking around my livingroom, content with the new paint job and decorating to my taste. I ‘think’ all of this will make me happy, secure, but it doesn’t. Instead, I feel guilty. I feel spoiled and soiled. Why do I keep doing what I do? I need Jesus to curb my insatiable appetite for more. I admire minimalists and hope to be one when I grow up. Your post has made me ask these 3 questions, which WILL help me as I strive onward to weed-out, discard, pass on to others what I no longer need or use. Making Jesus ALL is one of my toughest hurdles, wanting Him to be absolute #1 in my divided heart, yet swayed by the ‘stuff.’ Being so very ‘human’ feels shameful to me right now. “Where my treasure is…”
Thank you for reading this article Jillie. I always appreciate it so much when someone spends the time visiting other places where I write. I do think the key here is conviction and not condemnation. I have repented but I don’t think God wants me to be guilt-ridden. I think the main thing for me now is that I really think differently when I shop. I ask myself these questions as a guideline for making purchases too. It’s redefined wants and needs in a profound way. I have no doubt that you have a good heart.