One of my greatest fears is that God will change His mind about me.
I know it’s irrational.
A few weeks ago, I had one of those days a writer dreams about. You know, when all the words stack like dominoes in your mind just waiting to be poured out into sentences.
The Holy Spirit took control of my fingers and the magic typed out, so fast my thoughts were like chasing the caboose down the tracks. I was trying to climb on the momentum, grasping hands around the railing with one foot on the step, as the power throttled with focus toward the destination.
The next day, I waited for that train. It never came back.
I sat twiddling the frayed end of my thoughts on my writing bench, rolling the same words around until all I had left was the lint of a blinking cursor. The train was cancelled due to cloud cover drifting over my heart. So I decided to get lunch.
The routine or methodology used the day we achieve success is not always the key unlocking tomorrow’s hope.
“There is a tough fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess,” writes Tozer, “things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God’s gifts now take the place of God and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution.”
But faith isn’t about what we possess or our perceived goodness is it? It’s about surrender and trust.
On Sunday, as I listened to the sermon about jealousy, my ears perked in the serendipity. A blog post I’d written a few days prior with the word jealous in the title was waiting to be published in the queue. The content was written from a different angle than the sermon, but nonetheless, I was paying attention.
“Jealousy is a signal that I think He has not given me enough”, said my pastor, “that God isn’t being fair somehow. Jealousy is the road sign – Change direction, something is wrong somewhere else in your life.”
Jealousy was the cause of the empty train tracks that day because I was apprehensive of losing God’s affection and favor. My trust was in the gift, not the Giver.
After I dipped the bread into the wine and swallowed, I turned around and walked directly into the prayer room. I stood between two saints full of spiritual wisdom, opened my hands while surrendering my words and swirling thoughts to the Muse.
Swaying over my shoulders down to my feet, peace blanketed my thoughts and words drifted to the forefront. “You are afraid I’m going to leave you and I will never do that.”
Suddenly, I was a little girl walking serpentine through an empty winter forest, like Red Riding Hood holding treats in her basket. I was following the red cape, not wearing it.
He will never change his mind about you. His love is not dependent upon your goodness or success. Perhaps you need to hear that today, like I do.
In community with Angie, Amy, Jennifer, Emily, Holley and Lyli.
Lovely, Shelly. Somehow in reading it, I thought, “He is jealous for your love, Shelly.” I don’t know if that makes sense, but it is *the* one jealousy that does. He is so jealous for you, that He wants you more than your words. He will give you words. He has more than enough to give to you, because He loves lavishly. I love what He is doing with the words He gives you, and I love you, too.
Lynn
Love you too Lynn. I think he is jealous for all of us, not just the parts we think are good enough for him, don’t you? Your words encourage me, thank you.
Oh yes, Shelly, jealous for absolutely EVERYTHING!
I did need to hear that today Shelly, thank you.
You’ve been on my heart often lately Emma. We need a catch up soon.
Beautiful, Shelly. and I did need this. Thank you for writing it. Love your heart.
Love you Kris, you are gem.
Wow. You have no idea how many ways this ministered to me today, right where I am. To tell you would take three blog posts instead of one short comment. Thank you, Shelly, God bless you.
Oh Sylvia, knowing that blesses me. God’s timing is perfect.
I’m like several other commenters here…I needed this too. Thank you, Shelly.
Thankful for timely words, praying they steep long in your heart Mary.
One of the best pictures for me of God’s love is holding a new born…when we hold that baby…the love that pours out of our hearts is not based on anything he/she did…this little one has done nothing to earn our love…if anything he/she had only caused us pain up until that point…we love them because they were created by us…”in our image”…and we have an overwhelming unconditional love and this is human love…our minds can not ever fully take in the magnitude of His pure ,unconditional love…a love that we can not do anything to make Him love us more or do anything to make Him love us less… The deeper this sinks into my/our hearts…the less I/we struggle with these questions… because He NEVER does change His mind about us.
I love that imagery Ro, a beautiful picture of God’s unconditional love for us.
You know, Shelly, I meet need this all week…maybe all month! Powerful message and the quote form Tozer is just worth chewing on good and long. I love also how God just sweeps in and and reveals our core to us, and then with the truth covers us immeasuably in His grace…thank you for these words today. With you at Emily’s place. 😉
Praying the words stick like glue to your heart today and every day thereafter. Thanks for visiting from Emily’s place, isn’t she awesome?
😉
You know, Shelly, I might need this all week…maybe all month! Powerful message and the quote form Tozer is just worth chewing on good and long. I love also how God just sweeps in and and reveals our core to us, and then with the truth covers us immeasuably in His grace…thank you for these words today. With you at Emily’s place. 😉
Oh Dawn! I agree. I had meant to say to Shelly that I LOVE TOZER, and I love God. Tozer really loved the Lord. I hope everyone reads The Pursuit of God. It changes you.
Love so much when you chime in, Lynn! You are such a blessing!
What a beautiful post! “He will never change his mind about you. His love is not dependent upon your goodness or success.” I definitely needed to hear this today-thank you oh so much for sharing! Much love to you today! ♥
I think you are in good company Satin. Hugs.
Yes I needed to hear this today. The year before I found Jesus, I was involved in what I now know was a cult but I was so hungry for truth and redemption that I was seeking whatever means to help myself so I had no clue. In ways, I thought I had found God in this group. I just know that I was this scared, hurting, addicted young single mom that was seeking a better way. I will never forget the day, the leaders wife, told me that God had changed his mind about me. That has stuck with me. Because up until she said that I had allmost allowed myself to believe that God could love someone like me. I ran for my life from God that day until I ran back into his arms almost a year later. Thank you for reminding me that God won’t change his mind about me. That he can and does love someone like me.
You know, I think words can be a curse over us and I’m thankful that God freed you from that lie Lori. You are deeply loved and you belong to Him. He calls you beloved and longs for conversation with you, just the way you are today.
This is so beautiful. I struggle with jealousy and try to push it aside SO quickly. I never thought of maybe reevaluating what it is I’m doing and really see where my heart is resting. I try to shake it off like an ugly serpent instead. I plan on really praying through the jealousy next time, finding its root, and changing where the Lord asks me to. Thank you SO much for this reminder. Beautiful.
Oh wow Jenna, what a beautiful application to this. I’m so touched by your response. It shows how open you are to Him and I know he will honor your thoughts.
I am currently attending a Bible study about Believing God. Your words ring true. He does not love us for the good deeds we do or how successful we are. He loves us for our relationship with Him. He wants our heart.
Yes, it’s the cry of my heart Jeri. He wants you, not what you do.
“He will never change His mind about you.” Wow…this is a beautiful reminder and something we all need to hear and know. Thank you for sharing. 🙂 (((hugs)))
Nice to see you here Mel, thanks for your kindness.
I love that – that He never gives up on me – that I don’t have to make an A on the life test to be his daughter! The world may give up on me – but He won’t! Sweet! Sweet! thought for where I am today!
So glad A’s aren’t required aren’t you?
Just this morning I had these words seared to my heart: “I will not leave you as orphans.” (John 14:18)
Coincidence that I’m reading this – here and now? I don’t think so. Thanks for writing this reminder that ALL of us need sometimes, Shelly. That is what friends do.
Yes, none of us are immune from needing reminders, that is for sure. Love the serendipity of the scripture with this post, God cares so much about the details.
Shelly … as I reflect on the recent death of my dad (and the job he and my mom did in raising us “kids”), one of the greatest gifts they gave us was knowing we were loved no matter what we did. Yes, there were some standards (like they wouldn’t get involved with our grades unless we got a “C”), but love of who I WAS (and the same for my sisters) never on the table. That is one of the greatest gifts my dad gave me. Thanks for linking up 🙂
You are so fortunate to have parents like that Amy. I know what it is like not to have them. His legacy lives on in you. Thinking about you as you grieve the loss of your Dad.
I did need to hear that today – twice, in fact. I had a good chat with my fears this morning and again, while reading this. Thank you Shelly.
Thankful for sacred echoes Tresta. He will go to any lengths to get the message to us, won’t he?
Surrender and trust – knowing He will never change His mind about us, about me. Thank you for this today…
You are in good hands Mindy — unchanging, steady and capable hands.
Thank you Shelly. I needed to read those words about jealousy. It had popped its ugly head up in my direction. Like the Pastor said, it was a road sign for me. I need to write out thise words and post on my fridge as a reminder..that and what you said about God loving me, despite me.
Always love seeing you here Celeste. Love you and hope you are doing well my friend.
“My trust was in the gift, not the Giver.” What an amazing, eye-opening reality that is so often. I used to be able to recognize that in myself. Thank you for the reminder. I am struggling with the fear that gifts or blessings will be removed because I’ve had them “long enough.” But that is not the point. The point is the One who gave them in the first place and sustains me always. Thank you.
Oh yes, the fear that the mantle will somehow be removed, I get that. But you know, even if that were the case, the reality is he knows what is best for us and sometimes removing something is actually better, not worse. Thanks for being here Carey.
Shelly, your revelations of the precious places Jesus takes you are a privilege to read and leave me touched and weeping. Thank you.
Hmnnn… Very reassuring. God will never leave me, like you I know it, but I sometimes forget.
oh, yes…a precious truth I always need to be reminded of…thank you, Shelly 🙂 God is so tender toward us….grateful.
I relate to this so much! Thank you.