I hit snooze on vulnerability this week.
This morning, I woke up to the simulated waves of my alarm clock and my first instinct — before looking in the mirror, before making my kids lunches, before scrolling through emails on my phone in a sleepy fog to help me wake up — was to curl my legs up to my chest, pull the blankets over my head and hide from the world.
We’re over halfway through this 31 Day series and everything in me wants to quit. My mind wants to let go of all the plans I’ve poured myself into and pretend none of it mattered anyway. But my heart won’t let me do that.
When I’m in a conversation with shame, after it’s been stewing in the comfortable darkness of my inner voice, the response I hear rising to the surface says quit. Everything feels meaningless.
I take perfectionism and the need for certainty and belonging to new heights. Until I say what I’m thinking out loud to someone and hear the hilarity of my thoughts. That’s the impact of Light with darkness, it gives clear focus to false ideas and notions, and makes crooked thinking straight.
Now I recognize how the voice of shame sounds in my thoughts. That’s the outcome in my life in the short time since reading The Gifts of Imperfection and talking about it with you this month.
This is actually progress people, not a crisis. Do you see what I just did there?
Brown says that the only way to resolve shame is to talk about it. I hope these conversations are the catalyst toward freedom for both of us.
We’re on the 18th day of talking openly and honestly about the things that keep us from loving ourselves, like standing with our bare legs and feet on the cold shores before the sun comes up. I’ve waded in to the deep end of the pool, turned around and extended my hand to you. Will you latch on and wade in?
Instead of talking about what might happen if we go to the deep end of loving ourselves, let’s take the risk, jump in, and splash around a bit.
I’m reminding myself today that when we feel like we’re drowning and overexposed in our vulnerability, Jesus holds the life raft. He’s committed to getting us to the other side, no matter what it takes.
Sometimes it’s not enough to know how to get there; putting your knowledge in action is what makes the difference.
Shame is the fear of being unlovable. It’s the direct opposite response of owning your story and believing you are enough. It’s time to put that myth to bed and stop hiding under the covers. He’s already paid the ultimate price for us.
Will you join me for a swim in the deep end?
Join us in the comments and for further discussion at Redemptions Beauty Book Club on The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown as we let go of certainty and comparison this week to cultivate intuition, faith, and creativity. This is day 18 of 31 Days of Letting Go in the Deep End. Find out more here and join us for daily posts delivered to your inbox by adding your email address to Subscribe in the sidebar. It only takes a few seconds and it’s painless, I promise.