An expanse of space lies between myself and the only other person seated on the front pew. I shift my body, slide on the hard seat, and smile over at this girl with the doe eyes who lives her life but a decade, carries herself like an old soul.
She wears a red sweater, green feathers in her hair. Spreads out as if this sanctuary is home. An art pad, pencil, and drawing book to keep the hands busy. A Styrofoam cup with straw for sipping placed carefully under the pew.
And when her mother begins to strum the guitar from behind the altar, leading us to the throne with holy words, this girl whose name means beautiful, she stands and sings like the words own her the way she grows into her name, Bella.
That voice, above the cadence of the mature, it stands out like God whispering in the ears:
“I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” ~ Matthew 18:3
Yes, Lord. I hear you; remind me of what it is like to be a child again. Take me low so I can go high.
I invite her to join me for communion and she mouths the words, “I will go if you want me to.” And we kneel together at the altar and I do remember.
She holds her tiny hands with the orange-chipped nail polish cupped to receive. Because He wants her to and the heart says yes.
And I remember the first day I cupped my hands to receive. The day I wore the brown dress with the white polka dots, white ribbon tied around my thick ponytail. That day I said yes to Him kneeling at the altar. Think of His words again:
“Let them come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” ~Matthew 19:14
She returns to the drawing pad, looks at the picture she tries to copy, puts pencil to paper, erases, and starts again. I think about a drawing lesson a few years ago sitting on the banks of the Bogue Sound. How the artist tells me to look at something and draw intuitively without looking down at my paper. My amazement at how much better I capture the outlines of what I see when I let go of perfection.
Think about how sometimes God wants us to walk in the freedom of the outline, look up to Him in abandonment so He can create the beauty inside those lines. How when we try to copy the gift of someone else, be like all the others, we feel defeated, unable to measure up. We stop drawing altogether.
And in the midst of the singing, the words spoken from the pulpit, He reminds me through the presence of Bella, to embrace the beauty the way He gives it. Shows me His endless love though a little girl born with a beautiful name meaning – God’s promise.
I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! ~Psalm 116:1-2
Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose
and Ann at A Holy Experience
Made me think of a quote I just put in my artist sketch book I am beginning…
“Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it.” Salvador Dali
So, as you say, when we try to copy the gifts of someone else we feel defeated, so we’ll keep on drawing and living to discover His beauty inside those lines.
Amen Paula! Oh, how I want this truth to stick like glue. Be content in all things.
“to embrace the beauty the way He gives it”…oh amen…learning this truth myself.
Blessings as we embrace….
Roseann, good to know we are on the same journey. Actually, it is probably something we re-learn on a regular basis! Nice to know I have a sojourner in you. Thanks for stopping by today.
Oh, to be a child again! Beautifully written 🙂
Yes, it’s good to remember. Get so caught up in stuff that doesn’t matter. Kids are so carefree. If life could remain that way! Thanks for your kind words. So glad you visited.
smiles. what a lovely moment captured…and in that community shared across generations…i think she has much to teach and i am sure she learned from you as well…
awww. your so generous Brian! Yes, she does have much to teach. I have high hopes for that girl!
It used to be that I didn’t “get” communion. It took awhile. But now – even though I know I still don’t “get” it – it is such a holy moment. You reminded me of that here. Thank you.
(and…I sent you an email, but it bounced back as undeliverable. I hope I haven’t lost you…)
So glad you keep coming back for these conversations! Communion used to be rote for me as a child, now it has deep meaning for me. BTW, I was having some trouble with email the other day. Try again!
“embrace the beauty the way He gives it” Thank you for this, I am going to carry it in my pocket and pull it out as the reminder is needed, which lately, is often. Thank you friend.
I know Janae. I need reminding too. So glad he spoke to me this way. Praying it becomes a part of us to think this way so we don’t have to be reminded. Bless you friend!